What’s the hardest thing to do when you’re first dating a man you really like?
I’ll give you a hint – it’s NOT keeping his interest or attention.
This one thing often means the difference between a great lasting relationship coming together… or a man wanting to leave.
So, do you know what this one thing is?
I’ll tell you…
It’s having that first “talk” with a man about your feelings, your relationship, and where things are going.
In case you didn’t realize it yet, this first serious talk you have with a man can tell him more about you and what your future relationship will be like in his mind than anything else you do.
Now, did you also know that for most single women this is the pivotal moment in time where the “wheels start to come off” with a man?
More “potentially” great relationships come to an end sooner than they should have because of how this first “talk” goes… and the relationship never has a chance to grow.
Ok, back to it.
Let me explain a little bit about how and why things go wrong for most women when they try and have “the talk”.
Think about this…
Before trying to have the talk, things are usually fun and easy… and the guy you’re with thinks you’re incredible and feels relaxed and acts open and loving around you.
He’s communicative, affectionate, and is constantly wanting to spend time with you.
But the moment you try and actually TALK about what’s happening between you, he starts acting VERY different.
Instead of being drawn closer to you as a result of you wanting to talk… he suddenly starts acting like you’re PRESSURING him.
Arrrggggh!
Even though all you want to do is talk and share your feelings.
Why are men so predictable this way?
I’ll get to why this is in a second… and tell you what you can do to make any “talk” you have about your relationship with a man bring you CLOSER, instead of push you apart.
But first… here’s what I find most fascinating about this critical moment in time-
If you’re like lots of women, then it’s YOU who decides that it’s time to have “the talk” and you start the conversation.
(Hint #1 – When you’re the one to start a conversation about a specific topic, you have an incredible OPPORTUNITY to “steer” the conversation in the direction you’d like it to go. But only if you know how and only if you’re willing to take the incredible RESPONSIBILITY that goes along with the opportunity you get with this.)
Unfortunately, most women DON’T initiate the talk from an entirely “positive” place.
And more importantly, most women don’t do and say things in this talk that gets a man to RESPOND and OPEN UP in a positive and loving way.
Instead, they end up “accidentally” having the talk at some less than ideal time because their EMOTIONS get the best of them and take over the conversation completely.
Danger!
I call this being on “auto-pilot”, where the feelings and thoughts you are having literally take control… and you no longer consciously CHOOSE what you want to do and say.
Now, I’m sure you already know where this will get you with a man you’re close to.
It will get you NOWHERE. FAST.
But am I saying it’s bad or “wrong” to have strong or intense emotions, and to share them with a man?
No.
I get that when you have a whole lot of feelings for a man, and a lot of things that are going UNSHARED between you… it can be frustrating and tiring to “carry” all this around and wait for the right moment to talk to him.
You should be able to share your thoughts and feelings with a man.
But it shouldn’t be so difficult with a man who’s mature and got his act together, right?
Wrong.
The reality is that “the talk” with a man isn’t hard because he doesn’t “get it”.
It’s hard because of the situation that is created in the way you start the talk, and the feelings YOU are bringing to it that a man senses and responds to.
Here’s the point…
If you keep on thinking that men just don’t get it and act strange when you try and talk
to them about “real” things, then guess what’s going to happen?
You’re going to keep getting BAD RESULTS each time you decide to share the way you feel with a man and want to talk to him.
And…
You’re NEVER going to get to a place where you can UNDERSTAND MEN. Let alone interact and talk with a man in a way that let’s you be “honest” with your feelings AND causes a man to want to be closer to you after the fact.
The reality is, if you’ve struggled and had bad outcomes by trying to have the talk with a man in the past… things are obviously not working for you.
But not for the REASONS you believe.
There’s something going on here for you at A DEEPER LEVEL… and with the way a man responds to you.
And until you understand what those things are both for YOU and for HIM, you’re bound to keep repeating the same mistakes with men over and over in the same relationship patterns.
(Hint #2 – What YOU are feeling, and what’s going on inside YOU, turns out to be exactly what makes the talk with a man take a turn for the worse. It’s not just that he isn’t capable of “getting it” or listening.)
Of course, if you want to keep on blaming men for being the ones who can’t communicate and who don’t get it… you’re free to do so.
But don’t get frustrated and upset the next time you get the SAME RESULTS with a NEW MAN you’re dating.
The Thing That Makes Him Not Want To Talk
Something fascinating happens when you start to have strong feelings for a man you’ve been dating for a short while-
Even if you tell yourself you’re going to take it slow and “play it smart”… you can’t help but start to quickly grow ATTACHED.
And in fact, your own feelings start to sneak up on you.
And once you recognize this, something inside YOU changes that creates a huge “shift” in your relationship and the way a man feels when he’s around you…
You recognize that for your own SAFETY and sanity, you need to find out what “the deal” is with this guy BEFORE things go any further, and you share even more of your heart, mind, and body.
So you decide you’d like to simply talk with your guy and see where he’s at.
But deep down, something inside YOUR MIND has already changed.
And as you get into the conversation, and you start getting an idea that he’s not as into your relationship as you are… something else instantly shifts in you…
You shift from wanting to simply talk and share more around your LOVE and AFFECTION for each other and keep things going, and you feel and talk about something else entirely.
And it’s at this point that suddenly a new emotional element gets introduced into the conversation.
FEAR and UNCERTAINTY.
But what’s worse, it’s YOUR fear and certainty about where things are going, and what might go wrong that starts to make him feel strange and start acting DISTANT.
In just a few short moments, you’ve gone from wanting to talk with him to feeling worried and anxious, to NEEDING to know what he’s feeling and what he wants to try and feel better.
But of course he doesn’t have an answer for you. He doesn’t know what he wants. And now things are no better than before.
In fact, now he’s acting DISTANT and gets more and more WITHDRAWN as time goes on.
Now… here’s a question for you-
When you show up with all these quickly shifting emotions going on inside your mind…
and all this fear and uncertainty about how a man is feeling and going to respond to you, can you guess what will happen next.
I’ll tell you.
He ends up SHARING the fear and uncertainty that you’re feeling.
But instead of it making him want to turn TOWARDS you and figure out what’s going on and what this is about… he TURNS AWAY from you.
(Hint #3 – Emotions are CONTAGIOUS. If you are carrying around some kind of fear or negative feeling and you start talking with someone you’re close to, they will sense your emotional “state” and respond to it. And with men, when they sense emotional uncertainty and fear inside a woman they’re dating, their gut-level reaction is to GET AWAY!)
Now, a man will share your fears, and respond negatively to your uncertainty no matter how “good” or loving your intentions are.
It’s not just your intention that matters…
It’s the feelings and emotions you bring to “the talk” that shape the way you SAY and DO everything… and therefore also shapes the way the man you’re with SEES you and FEELS when he’s around you.
And for most women, when they bring a level of fear and uncertainty to the first “talk” with a man… it tragically marks THE BEGINNING OF THE END.
By wanting to talk about your relationship in order to make it better… you can end up having the exact OPPOSITE EFFECT on your relationship than you set out for.
WHY TRYING HARDER OR TALKING MORE DOESN’T WORK WITH A MAN… AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD
Let me ask you a very direct question…
Have you ever talked a man into doing something he didn’t want to do?
If you’ve spent much time around men at all and know anything about how men can be… then you know that trying to “push” a man into something has just one result-
The harder you push… the harder he’ll try to RESIST you.
Let me be really honest with you right now.
Reading all of this, you might be feeling even more frustrated than you were before.
This is a good thing.
Here’s why- if something about me describing in detail the situation where things go wrong with a man, the things you feel, and how he responds gets to you… then the reality is that there is some “truth” in this for you.
But more importantly, it also means that there’s an important lesson that you could learn here.
If you’re tired of trying to be the one to change and adapt to make things work with a man… then I get where you’re coming from.
But here’s the thing-
You can waste all the energy in the world trying to get the results you want with men, dating, and relationships.
But if you’re not doing WHAT WORKS with men, then your energy could be endlessly drained and wasted. It wouldn’t matter how hard you tried, or how much you wanted things to work out… or how good of a person or a woman you are.
None of that will matter if you’re still not doing the right things.
I can’t tell you how many women write to me and share that they wished they had come across my eBook and my other programs years and years ago.
It would have saved them literally years of wasted time, energy, and tears by doing all the wrong stuff.
I don’t want you to continue to have to try and make what doesn’t work with men work for you, out of sheer will and determination.
When you find what works in life, it’s amazing how quickly everything seems to fall into place.
You probably know this feeling already where things just seem to “flow”, and each situation in life comes to have a significant and meaningful purpose that connects to all the others you’re having.
And all the people and relationships around you just simply fall into place for you with no “effort” at all.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter